It may be the 21st century and, as women, we may we feel we have accomplished a lot. We’ve moved out of the kitchen and away from the traditional housewife role, becoming more independent and gaining rights such as being able to vote, equality and careers – just to name a few. But when you really look at what we have gained, it’s important not to lose sight of what we have lost, which, I believe, are some of the most feminine abilities.
What do I mean by this?
Over the course of my pregnancy I have met many other pregnant women. During this time, it’s been highlighted to me once again that so many women have complete faith in our traditional medical model. If you go back in history you will see how paternalistic this is. And why? Does a man really know what it feels like to push a 3.6 kg baby out of a vagina (without drugs)? The truth is they have no freaking idea. However, women trust this system created by men – they truly believe they know everything.
I saw it throughout my pregnancy – women ending up having C-sections because the doctor suddenly picked up a last-minute problem with the pregnancy. C-sections have a place – they save lives – but they should not be higher than 15% in a country. Today, South Africa’s C-section rate sits at about 70% in private hospitals.
My question to you, the women wanting to fall pregnant, is this: Why do the majority of women turn to the medical model to fall pregnant? Falling pregnant is one of those feminine abilities that we have lost as a result of entering this paternalistic society – a society that has conned us into believing that hormonal contraception is good for us. It is this society that has made us believe that working from 06h00 – 20h00 at night is normal and healthy. It is this same society that encouraged us to turn to men to improve our fertility. Doesn’t something seem wrong here?
This week, one of my clients who has been trying to fall pregnant for over two years sent me her chart and said: “Does this look positive?” I knew within two minutes that she was pregnant. This is a woman who took my advice – she charted her menstrual cycle, took all my dietary and supplement advice, and her husband was present at every session (hey it does take two to fall pregnant). She did more, too, from kinesiology to cranial sacral therapy. She turned to women for the advice that we have been passing on from generation to generation because we understand that when a body doesn’t fall pregnant, there is always a reason. It may not be a physiological one but something far deeper, an emotional blockage or an issue with your relationship.
Would you be willing to spend R500 000 to get a baby because it’s too hard to look at yourself, your lifestyle, or your relationship, and you want it now?
I can promise you one thing – when I was having my home birth, pushing my baby out without drugs, but with the support of an incredible midwife (who was there for the whole birth and not just the last 10 minutes) and a phenomenal doula, I knew that without the support of these women, I wouldn’t have had the incredible and safe birth I did, even though the cord was wrapped around my little boy’s neck.
When will women start to trust women again? Maybe if you are battling to fall pregnant it’s time to look somewhere else, somewhere where you will be treated like a woman who has feelings.
Maybe it’s just education you need, rather than being prodded and poked and made to feel like you’ve failed at being a woman in this paternalistic society that may have given us so much but has helped us to lose the one thing a man cannot do.